First of all, forget what you've read in other, inferior comment guides. They are just trying to make you look stupid, with "advice" which is obviously wrong.

These top 10 tips for giving good comment on deviantART will tell you everything you need to know, without wasting 3 days of your time like the aforementioned, exhaustingly long comment guides.

The only thing you need to know before you start reading, is that I am absolutely, 100%, look-you-in-the-eyes serious about everything you'll find in this guide.


(1) Don't Look at the Deviation
Seriously, why waste your time? If you are intelligent you'll know what you want to say before you even boot your computer. So just jump straight in there, say "cool!!! xx" and leave. This technique will increase your productivity to an infinite degree. Ask any mathematician, they'll agree.


(2) Never Criticise
Artists hate people telling them what is wrong with their work. Artists - each and every one - are egotistical, therefore any suggestion that their work isn't perfect is an insult that cuts to the very soul and will send them into a blind rage. Even if they pretend to be humble and in their description they say something like: "i didnt span very long on this! its lame! XD" they are just trying to trap you into saying: "its not that bad! the linework is great and the colors make my heart flutter and i really think if you spanned some more time on this you could sort out the issues of looseness you had ".
Oh my friend, you walked right into this... The artist will then reply: "wtf do you know about it? i looked at your gallery and its the lamest collection of scribbles this side of arkansas! issues of looseness? your mother has issues of looseness, every guy in town knows that! XD"
"How could this have been avoided?" I hear you ask. Simple, just tell everyone how great they are, how awesome their art is, and add every drawing you see to your favourites. Anything less than a favourite is an insult.


(3) Language
If your grasp of English isn't very good - don't worry - just post a comment in your native language. REAL deviants will appreciate the foreign flavour your language will bring to their page, especially if there are lots of squiggly lines above and below the letters, or even better, you don't use the latin alphabet. Anyone who complains that they can't understand you is RACIST, and dA has procedures for dealing with racists.


(4) Nihongo desu ka? Sugoi!
Laboratory tests have shown that using Romaji Japanese to comment on anime submissions will make you three and a half times more attractive to horny Kyoto-based schoolgirls and greatly increase the chances of them flying out to meet you to indulge you with their affections. The results are even greater for schoolgirls from outside the greater Kyoto area, who think that Kyoto girls are uptight prudes.
Japanese schoolboys will be entirely unimpressed, regardless of which part of the nation they live in. Unless they're from Hokkaido, but then anything which uses electricity impresses those boys.
So go ahead and exclaim "kawaii!", "kirei!", "oishii!", "mazui!", "baka!", "jan ken pon!", "honya de hon o kaimashita!" or whichever phrase you think best expresses your true feelings, and watch as the girls rush to thank you.


(5) Pick a Case and Stick to it
either write everything in lower case OR WRITE EVERYTHING IN UPPERCASE, but never use standard english sentence case: standards are for dorks. the first letter of a sentence? personal pronouns? proper nouns? don't listen to your teachers; none of these need capitals. so remember: if you're cool, keep it lower case; IF YOU'RE EXCITED, OR HAVE OTHER REASONS TO SHOUT ALL THE TIME KEEP YOUR PINKY ON SHIFT (CAPS LOCK IS FOR WIMPS!); If You Are Quirky, You Could Use Title Case, aND iF You'Re JuST STRaiGHT uP WeiRD, You CouLD CoMe uP WiTH You'Re oWN CaSe CoNVeNTioN!


(6) txt iz d best!
lol d coolest c@z abndn ne pretns of bn abl 2 comunic8 complet fawtz n ntyr dscret sntensz u no wot u mean & datz d imprtnt tng xclamation marks r al d pnctuashn u ned nowdaz rite


(7) Never Read What You Are Posting
People who go back over what they've written to check it for typographical errors, relevance or coherence obviously have nothing better to do with their time, and if your comment gives the impression that you carefully crafted it, everyone will laugh at you for your effort and will assume you have no friends. Everyone will laugh at you. Bear that in mind. Take that thought with you to the mirror. Go on, stand in front of the mirror and say: "everyone will laugh at me if I put any effort into anything". Make that your mantra. Write it all over your walls, over your posters, over your mirror and your computer screen. Write it on your clothes in bleach. Tattoo it on your skin; on your thighs, on your stomach, on both forearms. Then despair when you realise what a display of effort you've put on.


(8) Your Signature is Your Identity
End your comment with a really long signature, at least five times as long as the comment you are leaving. People will make their key judgments about you as a person from your signature, so make sure it is very funny, or very profound. Quoting a joke, statement or lyric by someone else will prove that you recognise humour/profundity when you see it, and since it takes one to know one, you will appear as funny or profound as the person you quoted. Remember to include a link to your gallery, for the MILLIONS of dA users who don't know that they can click on your name or your avatar to find your gallery. Make up some bogus statistic about something really edgy and cool, like smoking pot (which none of your uptight parents could possibly have done when they were your age, and so you're obviously not going to grow up to be as conservative and close minded as they are), and pass it off as fact, or social commentary. Whatever you do, insist that everyone copy your signature, it will give you an enormous sense of validation when you see other people with your signature - YOUR SIGNATURE! - as long as you forget that you copied it from someone else's, just like they told you to.


(9) Leave Your Audience Hanging
Take a leaf out of Plato's book: Create mystery by not finishing what you start. Your number of deviant comments will skyrocket as people desperately plead with you to